Time Flies, Change Inserts Itself

It's been a while since I wrote anything here. I had thought when I started a blog it would be my place to develop a writing discipline, to try and become more of a prolific writer. But I think the public aspect of the blog, such as it is, has held me back. But maybe that's good practice for how writing for publication would feel , if I ever get to that point.

Just reading a writer friend's blog post about her writing regimen, and it gets me thinking. Even though she's far ahead of me in terms of being published, she had to start somewhere, and the discipline seems the logical start. I have trouble being disciplined with myself in many areas of my life - housecleaning, spiritually, reaching out to friends, to name a few. The only "discipline" I seem to observe now is scanning the morning paper and doing the crossword puzzle every day (two puzzles from Thursday to Sunday, as I get the city paper over the weekend for the coupons Sunday). I've been thinking of canceling the paper to save money, but what would I do without the puzzle for those days? Maybe that's a discipline I need to think about cutting back.

As for discipline itself, it is a bad word for those with ADD. I mean, of course, it's a dream, a hope to be able to manage our lives enough to have certain disciplines to follow which give us results as well as confidence to try new things including setting up new disciplines. I always think if I just had certain days of the week to accomplish certain household tasks - laundry, cleaning certain rooms, cleaning the bathrooms, changing beds, etc. - that it would make it so much easier to actually get it all done and make me feel successful! I've even made a list of days and when each chore would be done each week. But somehow I always make it more complicated by considering other factors that make me unsure of the wisdom of my first choices. Like, should I make the boys' laundry days the same day or different? And other such silly conditions. Thus this discipline hasn't been instituted. I need to just make the list, start the first day with whatever's on there, and JUST DO IT! (I really need to get a poster or sticker of that Nike slogan to put on my wall or mirror).

I know I am one of those people who need to take changes like this in baby steps. My therapists have always reminded me of this, and I try to recall it and live by it. But another part of me wants to all of a sudden "be" organized and disciplined and able to handle any crisis or job thrown at me. I think what I need to do is decide which areas of my life really need discipline and which are not so crucial. There has to be some creativity in everyday life, and spontaneity. You can be creative during the discipline itself, perhaps, which is good to know. For now, it' seems overwhelming.

Yet I want to try. And perhaps writing is the best place to start, since I could write about things that I need to get disciplined about and what's really important to me. And also, since I may be working full time some day soon, I will have to develop routines for myself as well as for the family, so they can cope and maintain some order when I am not around. Order while I'm gone? Who am I kidding?

I've gotten some good ideas for topics or exercises to produce some writing, so now I just have to find a good time and structure for this discipline. Perhaps a bit in the morning, which is the hopeful time of the day, and then a bit more in the late afternoon or evening, when my perspective changes to reviewing the day's successes and failures. Or planning for the future. The key is to making it a regular time, and trying to stick to a plan of either a topic or exercise for that given time. And see how it feels.

Morning is the best time to make plans for the day or beyond, when you have so much hope for carrying them out and feel good about yourself and your world. Then see what the rest of the day brings.